25 SIGNS YOU 'RE ALL GROWN UP
And my modifications, subtitled "You know you're middle-aged when...", are in italics. (My comments are in parenthesis.)
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
"You don't have time to keep houseplants alive because you're too busy with work, clubs, and being a taxi for your children."
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
"Having sex anywhere but in a bed turns something that enjoyable into too much work." :)
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
"You have leftovers in your fridge, and actually eat them regularly."
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
(Sometimes it's both for me, but I digress...)
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
"And the first time you heard it was on vinyl!"
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
"...to find out how to dress your kids the next day."
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup".
"Your friends are back to 'hook up' and 'break up' because they're in round 2 (or 3 for some of us!) of the dating game."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
"You go from 14 days of vacation to 21 or more." (Oh, wait, that's 'You know you're at Lilly when...')
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up".
"...And you actually look forward to occasions when you can wear what does qualify."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
"You no longer feel comfortable telling sex jokes around young people... and "young" sometimes includes college-aged." :)
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
"You can only eat Taco Bell if you have first laid in a generous supply of antacids."
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
"Your car insurance goes back up because your children get licenses." (Corwin is always so happy to point out he can get his in 4 years - geesh!)
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Or, "You sleep on the couch because the bed makes your back hurt"?
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM.
"...or whenever you can get them!"
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
(Ok, this one's not necessarily true. :) )
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
"...And sometimes you can actually afford the 'good stuff!' "
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
(This one will never be true for me, but. :) )
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
(This one may never be true for me...)
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals & friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same.