Monday, June 26, 2006

Yes, I'm alive

Sorry I haven't posted for a while... connect at home has been cranky.

First updates, then memes...
1) Changed jobs! I'm no longer at Lilly; I'm a instructional designer under contract for Clarian. That is, of course, a fancy way of saying I write training manuals. :) I really enjoy this! Enjoy the significantly increased paycheck, too! :)

2) Still working on the business, albeit slowly. Ditto with the band.

3) Still having lots of first dates and no second dates, enjoying lots of time with my business partner and best friend even though we're not dating each other, and spending (very!) occasional time with the old flame.

4) Am able to do #3 because the kids are with their dad this month, and will be gone a decent chunk of next month too.

5) Just got back from a minibreak to Mackinaw Island MI. Can I move now, please?

And, today's meme: Four Things - and anyone who reads this, feel free to comment with your responses (or post 'em on your own blog)

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1) Pharmacy technician
2) Public speaker/salesperson (same job)
3) Computer support analyst
4) Instructional designer (current job) (along with entrepreneur)

B) Four movies I would watch over and over
1) The Lion In Winter
2) Brigadoon
3) Xanadu
4) O Brother Where Art Thou
(Just to name a few lesser known movies - there are many others I could list. For example, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Somewhere In Time, Princess Bride, Holy Grail, and Blues Brothers should be on my list too...)

C) Four places I have lived
1) Defiance, OH
2) Bloomington, IN
3) Brazil, IN
4) Vincennes, IN (though only for about 6 months, and those the first 6 months of my life, so I'm not sure that counts)

D) Four of my favorite TV shows
1) M*A*S*H
2) Babylon 5
3) Carnivale
4) West Wing

E) Four places I have been on Vacation to
1) Mackinac Island/Traverse City MI
2) Orlando/Daytona Beach/St Petersburg, FL
3) N'Awlins
4) Mexico City, Mexico

F) Websites I visit daily
1) Yahoo mail
2) Google mail
4) :)

G) Four of my favorite foods
1) Crab Legs!!!
2) Medium rare prime rib
3) Dark Chocolate
4) Fetuccini Alfredo
(I assume by "foods" one is supposed to post things with caloric content... oh, wait, this is a family show... :) :) :))

H) Four places I would rather be right now
1) Mackinaw Island/Traverse City MI
2) Ireland/Scotland
3) Brown County (or anyplace with trees, hills, water, waves, stars, and few people)
4) Springfield, MO (or anyplace where my best friend is)

I) Four people I think will respond
Not a clue! Have no idea if anyone reads this anymore, as rarely as I've posted lately...

Friday, May 19, 2006


More details later, as I only have a second to post, but I'm leaving Lilly and braving the world of being a consultant. Fabulous position as an instructional designer at Clarian, doing what I loved doing in the last SAP release, for significantly more money. So for being willing to take the risks involved in contract work, I get a really decent income and to do the job I love doing. Sounds like a fair tradeoff to me. Apparently, I need to give thanks to someone!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Catching up on posting

I should get back to updating more regularly soon. I have big news of yet another change in my life, but am waiting to post that until I have everything formal and definite, which should be in the next day or so - watch this space! But I'm almost done with GBIP, the kids are almost done with school and getting ready to go cross-country to their dad's place for a while, I worked through some major depression over the last few weeks and am feeling much renewed. and other than that not much is going on.

And I think I saw little guys in red suits with pointy tails and horns ice skating today: I actually think the Bush immigration policy is an intelligent compromise between the "deport all the aliens and lock the place down" conservatives and the "give away the farm without worrying who's paying taxes to fund it" liberals. Wonder who actually wrote the policy, as I can't believe it actually came from him? (Me? Cynical? Not at all! :)) And while the idea of troops on our border makes me nervous, 1) if they're primarily building the infrastructure, that's a more comfortable idea, and 2) are they also there so that if something like a bird flu pandemic actually does happen, movement can be more easily controlled? Hrm...

The many faces of me

Not bad for an $11.99 camera and me playing with the 10-second autotimer, huh?

<--"Just me"


<-- Amused

<--Impish Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It never rains...

Was at the ER Sunday night until about 1:30 AM - da boy fell off a swing (tire swing, being pushed v. high by another kid. He says he slipped, but I've seen how high off those he tries to jump, so I could see it being either scenario) and almost broke his foot. Did end up just a bad sprain. But I think half the medical community has been fed and housed by my household's contributions to the profession this year. :)

Also, have no sign-ups for this seminar. Guess it must be bad timing again. Ah well, we keep trying.

Do have a lead on an SAP implementation job at Purdue - it'd be a heck of a commute, but the recruiter is... well, let's just say I'm skeptical as always, but if they came through with it, it would be a sufficient pay raise to more than adequately compensate for the commute time... Also have a lead on another business analyst position with a company implementing a different ERP system - I think it's Microsoft's system, eew, but then again, could it really be worse than SAP? :)

And feel v. guilty about applying at a company that just let a friend go. (NOT for the same job! I'm nowhere near THAT heartless!) Unfortunately, it was for writing marketing copy for IT stuff, and they want someone who knows both... and that's just about perfect for my skill set.

No, I'm not thrilled about the idea of leaving Lilly, but the internal job market is just about as slim as the external job market, so I'm leaving all my options open. I do have three internal postings pending as well... but also have four internal postings that I've been turned down for without even an interview, so I don't want to count on that.

I so wish someone would wave a magic wand and say, "I'll pay you the same salary you get now to run your seminars..." But income at that level is a couple years down the road at the earliest, I suspect. I'd risk me, but not the kids...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Exhausted but still alive...

Go-live (turning off the old systems and activating SAP in our manufacturing plant) was last Monday, and between that, a marketing class I'm taking, and the fact that I've got a seminar scheduled next Sunday (which I need registrations for - anyone interested?), Corwin had strep --AGAIN-- a couple weeks ago, the kids had a very boring spring break mostly alone and very little Mom time for Easter, the endless thunderstorms, and the fact that my house hasn't been cleaned in all this time and BOY it shows... I've been a little overwhelmed. :)

Also, now that we're past go-live, I'm looking at my post-SAP-implementation career, and there's just not much open even internally at Lilly right now. So I'm looking externally as well, if anyone knows of anyone who needs a tech writer or business analyst.

(In the ideal world, I'd be able to quit and do the seminar business full-time, but that won't come close to paying the bills yet. It will eventually, but not yet. And while if it were just me, I'd eat ramen noodles and deal, when I'm supporting two kids that's not precisely an option. In the next-closest-to-ideal-world, I'd find something part-time that covers the absolutes and gave me a bit more time to work on my own business. That one... who knows? Maybe that's why doors seem to be closing a bit right now - to encourage me to look for windows?)

Oh, and I'm selling a "get rid of your postal junk mail" system. No charge to sell it, not very expensive to buy, and the company is donating some of their profits to an environmental group -- seemed too cool and too good an idea not to help market. Besides, I'm remembering that I -like- marketing. Maybe I should jump ship to sales?

P.S. I welcome comments on my redesign of the Achievement Engineering website...

P.P.S. And in case anyone's wondering, I've shut down all my dating profiles for an undetermined amount of time. I am too busy, my children need too much of me, I -want- to put more into the business, I'd like to get back to having time to do stuff with the band, and I need to get past my own personal limiting belief that "the only thing that -counts- in making you happy is a functional romantic relationship" -- not that I EVER would have said that, or thought that, consciously, but when I use the techniques I'm teaching on myself, voila! there's the belief, in bold and Technicolor (tm). So no longer looking for random people seemed a good idea. (What about the two who've been around semi-regularly for a while? Well, neither seems interested in dating me right now so I don't have to worry about it. Cross that bridge if the drawbridge ever closes, huh? :) )

Monday, March 20, 2006

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Kiss me, I'm Scotch-Irish, darnit!

From my friend Ed of the Indy Scottish Society, here's a history of St. Pat's day, in honor of tomorrow. Since I too am Scotch-Irish (well, the parts of me that aren't French), I appreciate this. :)

Ed's History of St Patrick's Day

Here's your history lesson of the day – the history of St. Patrick's Day.

I'm not Irish, but of Scottish heritage and often get asked why I take St. Patrick's Day off, and or why our Scottish organization participates in the St. Patrick's Day Parade. Well, here's why:
St. Patrick was Scottish. He was captured and enslaved by Irish pirates. Later, he escaped, became a priest and returned to convert the Irish to Christianity. After this was accomplished, an Irish student of Patrick's – St. Columba – came and converted the Picts (the majority population in Scotland at that time) to Christianity.

The American tradition of St. Patrick's Day was actually started by Scotch-Irish Americans. The holiday in Ireland was strictly a religious observence. (the pubs were closed!)
" The first formal celebration of St. Patrick's Day took place not in Ireland, but in Boston in 1737. It consisted of a dinner attended by wealthy Protestant gentlemen and merchants who had recently come over from Ulster to settle in the colonies. By 1775, the Boston celebration included a march with 70 soldiers from the British Army who were at the time occupying Boston (an interesting note is that exactly 1 year later, in 1776, the British Army was marching again — but in double time — as they were retreating from the city. So in Boston, March 17 holds two causes to celebrate — St Patrick's Day and Evacuation day.)"'

Who were the Ulster protestants? Principally, they were the Scotch-Irish, who were Scots that had settled in Northern Ireland.

Who started the parades?
"The first St. Patrick's Day parade took place not in Ireland, but in the United States. Irish soldiers serving in the English military marched through New York City on March 17, 1762. Along with their music, the parade helped the soldiers to reconnect with their Irish roots, as well as fellow Irishmen serving in the English army. Over the next thirty-five years, Irish patriotism among American immigrants flourished, prompting the rise of so-called "Irish Aid" societies, like the Friendly Sons of Saint Patrick and the Hibernian Society. Each group would hold annual parades featuring bagpipes (which actually first became popular in the Scottish and British armies) and drums."

Which units of the British army employed bagpipes? The Scottish regiments.
"St. Patrick's Day was even acknowledged by General George Washington during the American Revolution . In 1780, during the Continental Army's bitter winter encampment in Morristown, New Jersey, Washington permitted his troops, many of whom were of Irish descent, a holiday on March 17. This event is now known as the St. Patrick's Day Encampment of 1780."

At that time, the "Irish" Washington referred to were the Scotch-Irish, of which Washington had this to say:
"If all else fails, I will retreat up the valley of Virginia, plant my flag on the Blue Ridge, rally around the Scotch-Irish of that region, and make my last stand for liberty amongst a people who will never submit to British tyranny whilst there is a man left to draw a trigger."
George Washington, at Valley Forge.

It was the Scots who started parades – with kilts and bagpipes – and most important of all, opened the pubs!!! So, if you're out tomorrow, tip one for Scotland and feel free to buy a Scot a drink if you see one. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Quick update

Am well now, caught up in the rush of go-live at work, STILL not even in the ballpark of unpacked (I don't think I can even say unpacking is -started- really, other than the things we've been using to live over the last *cough* two months), getting ready to plan for another workshop, working on a couple of songs at least in my head if not in my composition software yet, hopeful in my personal life, and wishing that days were about 35 hours long!

OH -- speaking of songs -- did I ever post a link to the one that's done, here? If not, it's at and opinions, raves, and constructive criticism are all welcome. :) (No criticism needed on my photo on the band website, though -- I *know* that is bad!)

Other than that, nothing much going on. :)

Saturday, March 11, 2006

ok, so I already memed once today

...but this was too accurate not to post. :)

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

It's been a heck of a week...

Well, let's see:
1. Got the legal stuff done for all the financial changes.
2. Got the final load of crap out of the old house so it's not mine anymore, yay!
3. My son got suspended from school -- AGAIN -- and this time also got transported to the school detention center via police car. Lemme tell you, getting a message from the cops about your kid, even school cops, is enough to make the rest of my hair grey. Must... recolor... soon...
4. Thought I was aching from #2 above, only to find out I had strep throat.
5. Ended up home from work way too much due to #4 so now I'm even MORE behind at work.

I've got to think next week will be better?

So in interest of having something more entertaining to say, here's a meme I stole from a friend on MySpace:

This is for your entire life:
( x ) Smoked a cigarette
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
( x ) Been in love
( x ) Been dumped
( ) Shoplifted
( x ) Been fired
( x ) Been in a fist fight
( x ) Snuck out of your parent's house
( x ) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) Been arrested
( )Gone on a blind date
( x ) Lied to a friend
( x ) Skipped school
( ) Seen someone die
( x ) Been to Canada
( x ) Been to Mexico
( x ) Been on a plane
( x ) Eaten sushi
( ) Been skiing
( x ) Met someone from the internet
( x ) Been at a concert
( x ) Taken painkillers
( x ) Love someone or miss someone right now [no, not my ex!]
( x ) Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( x ) Made a snow angel
( x ) Had a tea party
( x ) Flown a kite
( x ) Built a sand castle
( x ) Gone puddle jumping
( x ) Played dress up
( x ) Jumped into a pile of leaves
( x ) Gone sledding
( x ) Cheated while playing a game
( x ) Been lonely
( x ) Fallen asleep at work/school
( ) Used a fake ID
( x ) Watched the sun set
( x ) Felt an earthquake [yes, in Indiana!]
( x ) Slept beneath the stars
( x ) Been tickled
( x ) Been robbed
( x ) Been misunderstood
( x ) Petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo
( x ) Won a contest
( x ) Run a red light/stop sign
( ) Been suspended from school
( x ) Been in a car crash?
( ) Had braces
( x ) Felt like an outcast/third person
( x ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( x ) Had deja vu
( x ) Danced in the moonlight.
( x ) Liked the way you looked
( x ) Witnessed a crime [only if traffic violations count!]
( x ) Questioned your heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it notes...esp all the colors! lol
( x ) Squished mud through your bare feet
( x ) Been lost....
( ) Been on the opposite side of the country
( x ) Swam in the ocean
( x ) Felt like dying
( x ) Cried yourself to sleep
( x ) Played cops and robbers
( x ) Recently colored with crayons
( x ) Sang karaoke
( x ) Paid for a meal with only coins
( x ) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) Made prank phone calls...
( x ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( x ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( x ) Danced in the rain [nude, no less!]
( x ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( x ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( x ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
( x ) Blown bubbles
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach
( ) Crashed a party
( x ) Gone roller-skating
( x ) Had a wish come true
( ) jumped off a bridge
1. What time is it? 12:45 am
2. What is your name? Suzanne
3. Any nicknames? Cec, Suz, nickname was Suzy growing up but calling me that now (unless you're family or someone who knew me then) gets you serious negative bonus points!
4. Mothers name? Suzanne (original family, huh?)
5. What is your favorite drink? Diet Coke
6. Tattoos? no
7. Body piercings? only ears
8. How much do you love your job? Used to, darnit.
9. Birthplace: Vincennes, IN
10. Favorite vacation spot? Northern Michigan
11. Ever been to Africa? No
12. Ever steal any traffic signs? no
14. A, B, C, D, DD cup size? Depends on the bra. :)
15. 2 Door or 4 Door? 4 door
16. Salad dressing? Ranch, Italian, Honey Mustard
17. Favorite pie? French Silk
18. Favorite number? Um. I don't think I have one?
19. Favorite movie? The Lion In Winter
21. Favorite holiday? Halloween
22. Favorite food? how does one pick A favorite? Crab legs? Bete Noir?
23. Favorite day of the week? any day ending in "Y"
24. Favorite brand of body soap? SoftSoap Aromatherapy
25. Favorite tv show? Haven't watched much lately. Recently? CSI or West Wing. Of all time? Babylon 5.
28. Favorite smell? sandlewood and musk. Or maybe autumn leaves.
29. What do you do to relax? answer silly quizzes on line. :)
30. Message to your friends reading this? not while I'm stuck on dial-up!
32. How do you see yourself in 10 years? having no kids living at home, having Achievement Engineering be an international organization, be in love (though I'm not saying with whom).
33. What do you do when you are bored? Read, surf the net, write music
34. What do you enjoy receiving? Affection
35. do you like these things? What things?
36. think your friends will do this too? Who knows?
37. think anyone will for sure fill this out? Who knows?
38. What time is it now? 12:51 am

Monday, March 06, 2006

What I'm doing now:

  • Grumbling that something I'm behind on at work is being delayed by something outside my control now. The first part, of course, was my fault, so I guess I really can't complain TOO much.
  • Dreaming of vacation. Despite the fact that it doesn't -look- like spring, this time of year I get spring fever and want to travel. Somewhere. Anywhere. Wanna win the lottery and go to Europe. (Yeah, right!) Wanna go back to Michigan. Wanna go down to Dale Hollow. Not quite the season yet for the more realistic locations, and even if it were I'm too busy to go now, but I can dream!
  • Wondering about men. I get that the phrase "I'll call you" can just be a polite close to the evening. I'm not so clear on why or how someone asking "so did you have fun? I did; I want to go out again!" turns into no second date. (and no, I didn't do anything like that on the first date, before you ask! :) Were it that, I wouldn't have to ask! :) ) Male readers, wanna share your gender's secrets? :)

Monday, February 27, 2006

Fell in love with songs last night...

Went to see Kenny White and Cheryl Wheeler in concert with some friends. I'd heard Cheryl's songs before but not Kenny's and I fell in love with this one of his. I'm italicizing the parts of the lyrics that I thought were just fabulous writing, as well as appropriate:

Shoot the Moon
by Kenny White

I keep you under wraps
Like I was CIA
and you were some covert mark
There’s nothing as cold
As the light of day
When you’re standing in the dark
You can have them hold your mail
You can turn the ringer off
Pull the sheets over your head
Sooner or later you’ll stop shooting yourself
and shoot the moon instead

Never slowing down as Hudson curves around Horatio
Cabs are in a hurry for a fare
But summer being what it is,
and this night’s a beauty
Folks just want to get a little air
The harder I listen, the less I hear
The more I search, the less I find
But it feels like love is one part lightning
and two parts making up your mind

Start up the Chrysler, point it East
Let’s see how fast this baby goes
You know it’s often said
The one you need the least
Is the one you want the most

I’m getting tired of coming close
tired of the chances I don’t take
The thing about the heart that hurts the most
Is when you just can’t feel it break

I swear when I drink and
I’m cursed when I don’t and
Like everyone, I want to be rich
I guess it would be to stay in love,
yeah, that’s it…If I had one wish

The other great song of Cheryl's -- well, there were tons, but here's one that she has a link to on her website, as well as the lyrics, and I thought it was a GREAT rant!

"Your God"
Words And Music By Cheryl Wheeler

Is your God the same God who's working with the Pope?
Is it the same God suspicious of Tinky Winky?
Is it the God corralling virgins into herds of 72,
deciding where to send them when the glorious martyrs are through?

Is your God the same God who's burning the science books
and trampling lives to hoist the right to life signs?
Or is he running the breeding program from the Temple by the lake
till one big in-bred family will be an entire state?

Are they his priests who can't keep from buggering little boys?
Is it your cash retaining their attorneys?
I guess he had to overlook the nastiness with the tykes,
to keep the grace of marriage from the clutches of fags and dykes.

Is your God the same God who won the Superbowl?
I hope it's not that loser God Seattle had.
Or is yours the God decreeing all the women wear a sack,
and presiding over stonings and beheadings in Iraq?

Is your God commanding you
to tell everybody what to do,
to kill your brain and praise his name
and bury the bastard who's not the same,
and spew your heinous and hateful shit
like something holy was driving it
to take over all the earth and skies above?
Oh mercy, whatever happened to the GOD of love?

(P) April 26, 2005
Penrod And Higgins Music / Amachrist Music
ACF Music Group
International Copyright Reserved

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Tra la la...

It's a beautiful day: the sun is shining, and life is full of an almost embarassing number of possibilities.

Ok, so I'm obnoxiously cheerful this morning. This is a problem precisely how? :)

And isn't this a great song? It's almost Rudolph Driekurs essay, "The Courage To Be Imperfect," set to music...

"Right To Be Wrong"
(Joss Stone)

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to face it willingly

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
Flesh and blood to the bone
See, I'm not made of stone
I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Happy Belated V-Day

Or should that be Happy Lupercalia?

(And let me tell you, any article that includes the words "sex lotto" and "pagan lust monkey" gets MY attention. :) )

Sorry, but I just don't get excited about valentine's day. Then again, that might be because right now my casual dating is so casual that one of 'em I haven't seen in a month and the other is officially no longer "dating" me (again!), though we're still best friends. Have one possible date from a personals ad (if we can find a time to try this -- my daughter is better but now my SON has strep throat! Who cast a pox on my house? -- it will be my first time to date someone from a personals ad! I don't know if this is a moment for pride or shame. :) ) Guy definitely seems like he'd be interesting to talk with, some common philosophical ideas and book interests, though I can't tell if there's much likelihood of a spark there -- but I figure if it's someone who I have some common interests with, at the very least I can make a friend, even if there turns out to be no chemistry.

(And boy, wouldn't it be nice to be able to figure out that chemistry thing? Why is it that some people can be perfectly intellectually compatible but have no "zing?" What makes the "zing," anyway? Is it just pheromones?)

Monday, February 13, 2006

Two and a half hours in the I-65 parking lot last night...

Because of a fatal crash involving two semi trucks, the kids and I sat, parked (literally - I have a stick and after a bit you just put the parking brake on and relax) on I-65 last night from 8:50 PM to 11:20 PM. At which point I finally had the courage to cross the median and go back to the nearest exit.

Gives a whole new meaning to "trapped by your own fears," doesn't it? What a pithy illustration for the universe to give me!

Speaking of fears, the workshop Saturday went fabulously! We met (or re-met, as I knew one of them already, and -- in the small world department -- my co-leader discovered he graduated from high school with another participant!) three fascinating people, and have a great start to not only the business venture but the community we hope to build. Whee!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Remiss in blog updates, I am...

My daughter has had an ear infection and a birthday, one of which was welcome. :) Although, as this one put her age in double digits, perhaps I shouldn't welcome that either? :)

We have confirmed registrations for the seminar, so it's a go, which makes me very happy!

Work has been busy, as befits the time less than two months before go-live.

I've actually had a couple of nibbles on my personals ads, gasp choke. Now to have courage to respond! :) ( After all, my life isn't complicated enough already. ;)

And Fun Link O' The Day: The Flying Spaghetti Monster Church... made outta LEGO!

Monday, January 30, 2006

You know, usually I'm an early adopter...

...but until reading an article last week, I'd never even heard of MySpace, much less created a profile on it. But, you know, better late than never?

Anyone else out there on it? I'm not going a good job finding my friends out there, if you are...

Thursday, January 26, 2006


Got my first off-the-street, saw-our-ad-in-Nuvo, not-a-friend-of-mine registration for the workshop today! Woohoo!

Now, to find childcare for that day...

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Well, if I ever remotely questioned that coaching people through emotional processing was my business partner and anam cara's* true lifework and vocation, I have no doubts now. I was stressed last night over money and my daughter's illness (they want to take her to Riley for yet more tests, and I don’t want her to have to go through all that again!). And what began as a phone conversation about my fears over that and several other things, turned into him processing me for almost two-and-a-half hours (!) last night. I can't tell you precisely what happened, but I know that wherever he took me inside myself was someplace I have never been before. And from how... disjointed?... I feel today, I suspect that I've never been -close- to there before.

I feel... I don't know words for this mix of feelings, actually. A little raw, as if a layer were scoured away that I've never been under before; a little uncertain. But not unpleasantly so; just very new, as if I'm re-learning parts of my heart that had almost atrophied with disuse. As if a change has begun that I now just need to leave alone for a while, to allow it to work under the surface. Chrysalised, if that's a word.

So I'm going to be quiet, for a change, and let whatever is happening, happen.

* "...the anam cara, the notion of soul friendship. Anam is the word for soul, and cara is the word for friend. When you had an anam cara friend, it was as if you were joined in an eternal way with a friend of your soul, in some incredible recognition of the sublime affinity between the two. Originally, the myth was that each human was two in one, but they were split and separated, consequently they spent most of their lives searching for their other half. In the Celtic idea of the anam cara, the anam cara is the other half that you have been missing. In coming into the gift and grace of friendship, you enter into your own fullest completion. You are also being gifted with a dimension of your soul that was hungry and lost and is now found. That kind of attraction, passion, affinity and belonging is a profound experience of birthing one’s own identity." --John O'Donohue

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Quick update

1) Thanks to several friends who Saved My Bacon, the move is largely complete! I still have some random junk to get from the house, but we're sleeping at the new place and almost all our furniture is there, so that should count as done. Huge relief.

2) Catri's hip is better but not healed yet so I have to take her in to get an X-ray tonight just to make sure nothing else is going on.

3) The name change process has started! (Sorry, Brian... inconveniencing your address book is not sufficient reason for me :)) Now to see how badly it screws up my work systems...

4) We have a message about someone interested in our class. Crossing fingers, 'cause it's a really cool workshop and I want to generate enough interest to get to run it this time.

5) I become older tomorrow. :)

6) I'm BURIED with work at work. Just when I don't need it. Whee.

7) What does one wear to a formal ball, does anyone know? I assume floor length is de rigueur, yes? My only floor length is probably too cold to wear this time of year. Hrm.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Why my daughter has been largely immobile this week

Never heard of it before, but she has transient synovitis of the hip:

Though she finally got over her viral exanthem -- which is fancy for 'rash caused by a virus'.

Now, as our doctor said, "The real question, of course, is what's going on with her immune system that makes her get rashes and joint inflammation any time a virus walks by. Unfortunately, we don't have simple tests for that one yet..."

Meanwhile, taking care of her has simply eaten my packing time. I'm now so panicked I'm past panicked, if that makes sense. It'll happen, 'cause it has to...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

A fast update from a frantic woman

(Anyone who was going to finish that statement "a fast woman" must know something about me I don't. :) Or maybe you need to get to know m... anyway. :) )

1) Did I pack this weekend? No, no, NO, no.
2) Did I spend the weekend throwing up, down, and sleeping? Yes, yes, YES, yes.
3) Did I have to take my daughter to the medcheck tonight for what turned out to be lingering effects of the same virus 10 days after she first showed symptoms? Yes, yes, YES, yes.
4) Am I so far behind in packing it's not funny now? Yes, yes, YES, yes.

EEEK. Just... eeek. And did I mention EEK?

The 15th comes way too soon.

OH. And I lose DSL at the new place! WAH! Serves me right for moving without checking the distance from a telco central office, huh? So I'll be stuck with cable modem 'cause it's the ONLY, repeat ONLY high-speed internet available at that address, period. And only from ONE cable company. Anti-trust laws indeed!

I do, however, have some good news:
1) I can see the kids becoming more comfortably independent each day. The boy, when faced with both mom and sister basically in bed all weekend, did beautifully with feeding himself, running to the corner store and getting Mom gatorade, and in general was pretty impressively mature. The girl, in the times when she's seemed well before re-symptomizing (is that a word? It is now!), has tied her hair back in a bandana and frankly done better than Mom at tackling huge piles of chaos to get things packed (we do have SOME done. Just not NEARLY enough.) It's like my daughter disappears and some Goddess of Domesticity is in her place. The girl also got nominated for some cool young scholars thing that I am darned if I know how I'd find the money to send her to, but I'd sure like to. And the boy stayed up to finish math homework, the thing that he was about to flunk out for not doing, because there's a new "incentive program" at school for it and because he's decided it's time to look like he has the brain he does. Darned proud of both of them, really.

2) Meanwhile, after panicking for months over the impending responsibility, Mom's calmly dealing with dinner, homework, packing, dishes, laundry, etc. We've discovered a late-night grocery run is still possible if I'm quick; doesn't hurt them to be home alone at night for 40 minutes when I'm on cell and less than 10 minutes away at any time. Also discovered that just the three of us is astonishingly cheap to cook for, and that, if I accept that I'm no gourmet and never will be, I can still keep us (and the guinea pigs!) nutritionally reaonsonably balanced. Do I miss some aspects of my social life? More than I care to admit. But I'll figure out how to balance the rest of it later. I'm just happy that this part is much less painful than I feared.

3) Have ads in and fliers going up for the next seminar. I'm proud of the fliers (note, these are LOW resolution versions; don't think I don't know better than to mot use better resolution for printing!):
Now, if this time we can get participants!

4) I have after-school childcare for really a quite ridiculously cheap price, that the bus will take them to and from, that lets them stay in their current schools for the rest of the year, and that gives them some fun structured activities, field trips, covers snow days, half-days, 2-hour delays... the works. This was my greatest unresolved dilemna and will actually let me work longer than 8 hours if I have to (project go-live ahead, you know). I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am.

So despite the fact that I'm convinced movers will show and won't be able to find anything to move because none of it will be packed and all of it will be under the CHAOS that is my filthy house, things are actually going well.

And now, to fall over go BOOM, 'cause I'm exhausted!

(Wait, didn't I say this would be a fast update? Guess fast doesn't mean short, huh? Well, I've been remiss in posting recently, so I owed the blog a couple minutes. And it would have been really a couple minutes if some stupid auto update wasn't trying to occur in the background of this computer, thus giving me typing lag. Don't you hate typing lag?)

...Guess what? I'm so tired I'm punchy and babbling. Tell me to go ni-ni now. "Ni-ni now!"