Saturday, December 31, 2005

Note the change in my profile!!!

For those of you who are looking and going "what change?", or only noticed the AE and Delta Shift comments, what I' m really referring to is the removal of the word in parenthesis that used to be after the word "unmarried". Yes, there's no "almost" there - a year after the papers were filed (!) I am finally, legally...


Funny, because I didn't think it was weighing on me that much, or that I really cared what the legal status was, or even that I so desperately wanted to be divorced. (Not that I didn't NOT want to be, but you understand the difference, I hope...). Yet I feel almost euphoric, knowing it's done.

I think it may be that it was just hanging for SO long. And it's the final door that needed to be closed to get on with my new life. Closure is a good thing.

So, last call for anyone who has a compelling reason for me not to take back my maiden name with the French pronunciation -- speak now, or I start the long and tedious process of name changing!

Happy New Year, indeed!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Love heals...

But we already knew that, didn't we? Still, it's nice when science confirms the mind-body connection.

Monday, December 26, 2005

They make it sound so easy...

from the "What Are You Looking For In A Man" test...

(And notably accurate, btw...)

Suzanne, you're a Romance Middle High!

Romance - 7 on a scale of 1 - 10 (where 1 is "less romantic")
Although you're a sucker for romance, you'll probably cut a guy some slack even if he doesn't constantly pamper you with gifts and affection. You crave passion in your relationships, so you want a guy who can (and will) express his deepest feelings for you through his actions. Someone like Richard Gere or George Clooney, perhaps? But you know that men aren't very romantic, so you're willing to lower your standards in this area if need be. Chances are you're willing to stick around once the courting period ends, though it's still very important that your guy occasionally dote upon you. Your realistic-yet-hopeful outlook will guarantee you a good catch!

Maturity - 6.5 on a scale of 1 - 10 (where 1 is "less important")
There's no denying that men are like fine wine — they definitely get better with age. It's not hard to understand why, when you consider all the benefits of getting older, which is why you like your guys a bit older and more mature. Suave and sophisticated, a mature-yet-fun man — like Regis Philbin or Kelsey Grammer's "Frasier" character — would be more likely to settle down into a real relationship and make a lasting commitment. On the other hand, your answers show that you don't go for stiffs who can't crack a joke. What's the point if there's no spontaneity, right? It sounds like you go for guys with experience and a sense of humor that's dry as a fine Chablis, but with a hint of spice.

Lifestyle - 3.5 on a scale of 1 - 10 (where 1 is "less important")
Love doesn't come cheap, but it doesn't have to be all that expensive, either. It sounds like you're not very concerned about your ideal man's financial situation. Of course, we all dream of living well, but it's a mistake to mix your expectations of love with your hopes for a first-class lifestyle. Based on your answers, it seems like money isn't a real romantic concern for you. On the airplane of love, you're just as happy traveling coach as first class. (Two TV guys who live up to your financial expectations — or lack thereof — are Chandler and Ross from "Friends.") Being detached from materialist concerns is a healthy, realistic attitude and should help make you happy. It means that when Mr. Right crosses your path, you'll be sure to recognize him and not worry about the size of his wallet.

Looks - 3 on a scale of 1 - 10 (where 1 is "less important")
You seem to know instinctively that love is blind, so why rule out any potential suitors? Sure, you probably prefer a looker (who doesn't?!), but you don't have strict standards by which you measure a potential date's physical appearance. Nicolas Cage? Ben Stiller? Just your style. Not only does this tendency reflect your innate good nature, but it also indicates that you'll be more apt to find your ideal man, since you're not someone who shuts the door on anyone who couldn't make a magazine cover. Of course, just because you're willing to look past the surface doesn't mean that your guy will be anything less than stunning. Whoever he is and whatever he looks like, you'll find him because your mind and heart are open.

[and what's wrong with Nicholas Cage's looks, anyway? I guess the fact that I say that makes them correct?]

Saturday, December 24, 2005

I've got what I want for Christmas... approval on the apartment!!!


Not to say that's a HUGE relief or anything. Not being homeless is a GOOD thing. Living someplace that doesn't, frankly, feel like the slums is even better. Having 1650 square foot with hardwoods and huge closets in a complex that I think is just gorgeous is even better than that!

I is a northsider now!

...oh my g-d now I have to PACK...

One thing at a time; let's get through Christmas first.

But... HOORAY.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Are you brave enough to set goals in writing?

If so, maybe you should talk to your future self to do so:

Time capsule e-mails. There's a fun idea!

I'm also going to put apartment applications in today or tomorrow. I'd appreciate prayers, good thoughts, whatever kind of energy you send, that at least one of 'em is accepted...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

And so now I'm on my own...

"On My Own"

I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own

It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lies
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it

Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

All I have to say is...

Tracy Ullman as Winnifred!

I think I must see this version. :)

edited December 28 - We got it on DVD and watched it tonight - it was fabulous!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

But what if I don't draw the same conclusion from this?

"Married People Happier Than Others"

Researchers analyzed information collected from 691 people and found that the stronger the commitment, the greater the sense of happiness and well-being. Married people had the highest sense of well-being, whether they were happily married or not. Next on the scale of happiness and well-being were people who were living together, followed by people in steady relationships and those in casual relationships.... "Some commitment appears to be good, but more commitment appears to be even better..."

But let me give you an alternative interpretation to ponder: Does this really mean that married people are happier?

Or does it mean that we need to do a better job teaching people that they are responsible for their own happiness, and that they don't need a relationship to prove their self-worth?

For that matter, how do we know that it's the committment that is the cause of the sense of well-being? All other things being equal, don't you normally enjoy being around someone who feels good about themselves more than someone who is insecure? That being the case, suppose the results actually come from the fact that the people had the greater sense of well-being first, and that the sense of well-being is what caused someone else to want to marry them, rather than the marriage causing the well-being? Indeed, since it says that being "happily married" isn't a factor, I would suspect that this is the more likely scenario.

Just some thoughts...

Monday, December 12, 2005

Ok, if anyone knows anything bad about these apts speak now

Anyone know anything about
Am looking pretty seriously at them.
It would put one kid in John Strange Elementary and one in Eastwood Middle School. But not until next year; this year they can finish the year where they're at.

Am very, very stressy this week, as you can imagine. I'll make it. It helps if I keep telling myself that.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

You know, I'm not even sure I'd *really* call myself an Allison Krauss fan...

I mean, I like her, but I'm not a fan.

So how come it's always her lyrics I post?

(Well, not always... but it does seem like she sings my heart's songs more often than not...)
So here it is, my theme song for the month, for sure!

(Though the sky isn't raining, it's snowing, far too much.

And my heart has not grown cold. A bit tired, perhaps...

Oh, and I'm learning to feed that hunger myself, rather than look for it from someone else. Now, sharing the meal with another is a delightful thing... but I don't need another to feed the hunger, if you understand the difference.

Ok, maybe the only part that really fits is the chorus...)

Vocals: Alison Krauss
Lyrics: Gordie Sampson & Fred Lavery
Based on the melody 'Neil Gow's Lament For The Death of His Second Wife'

How pale is the sky that brings forth the rain
As the changing of seasons prepares me again
For the long bitter nights and the wild Winter day
My heart has grown cold my love stored away
My heart has grown cold my love stored away

I've been to the mountain left my tracks in the snow
Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go
I've taken the pain no girl should endure
But faith can move mountains of that I am sure
Faith can move mountains of that I am sure

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Just get me through December
So I can start again

No divine purpose brings freedom from sin
And peace is a gift that must come from within
I've looked for the love that will bring me to rest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Just get me through December
So I can start again...

(One last parenthetical comment: this is a song worth looking for, whether or not it fits my mood completely, as it's not only Allison Krauss, but Natalie MacMaster's fiddle, which is a glorious thing...)

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Now here's a diet I can get into!

In this article he says,

"One of the advantages of intuitive eating is you're always eating things that are most appealing to you, not out of emotional reasons, not because it's there and tastes good," he said. "Whenever you feel the physical urge to eat something, accept it and eat it. The cravings tend to subside...."
Can I argue that as far as I know, you don't get physical urges to eat anything specific? I mean, if the tummy's grumbly, the tummy's grumbly. The cravings for something specific, by definition, are emotional, right?

Now, that being said, I have found that when I get a serious jones for something specific, I might as well eat it, or I'll just graze until I get what I want. The trick, as with everything, is moderation.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Comments and Questions

1) Not only does coffee sober you up, it sobers your liver up too?

2) I must praise the humility of this forecaster: " 'There are no clear reasons and I'm not going to make one up to explain the recent strengthening of Epsilon,' hurricane forecaster Lixian Avila said..." No one should be afraid to say they don't know something. Especially in a year with such unusual weather.

3) Anyone know anything about the Fountain Parc apartment complex? I'm considering it...

4) Is the Washington Township school system really everything it's cracked up to be? Before I pull my kids out of programs that are (con) in IPS but (pro) really working for them right now, I'd like to know. (Along with that, does anyone have any personal recommendations for any other school systems?)

Thursday, December 01, 2005

My name may be different by the end of the year

Both cars are fixed, at a total cost of around $165. Not something I had to spend right now, but far less than what I feared. So that's better than it could have been.

And great news: IF the person at the court today was correct, once the almost-ex and I take our "What Divorce Does To Your Kids" courses next week, the judge signs our papers and it's all finally done. Seems like a lot of paperwork for something fairly anticlimactical.

(no, there was NO pun intended there. Get yer minds outta the gutter there, people! :) :) :))

But I'm quite glad it will be settled before the end of the year. Pragmatically, it's nice to not have to deal with next year's taxes jointly. For him, it's going to be good to move with all the loose ends tied up, and his lady will be happy about this too, quite understandably! :) (Yes, I realize no one understands why I'm not angry or jealous; just accept the fact that I am genuinely happy he has someone, because I probably can't explain it to you...)

And for me, it means I start the new year with a new name, a new home as soon as I can possibly financially manage it, a new business, and if it doesn't completely sound corny, a new attitude. I'm not sure what's happened to me completely the last few months -- get back to me on this -- but I'm sure happy that it has. I know it has something to do with understanding that detachment is not necessarily dispassionate. It simply means that, instead of being passionate when something lives up to my expectations, I get to be passionate about whatever happens. Which actually ends up being far more often, I might add!

It feels good. Rich. Whole. Joyful.

How many people get the chance to wipe the slate clean and start over? I think this is a good thing. I'm excited about the possibilities.

A new life for the new year. I like this.