Thursday, May 26, 2005

I like these!

Found at http://www.anvari.org/shortjoke/Funny3/1399.html - and I've added editorial comments throughout. :)

(And if you think you might note a slightly cynical note to some of the comments, you might be right. Seems appropriate at the moment. :P)

WOMEN'S 50 RULES FOR MEN
1. Call.
2. Don't lie. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! etc., ad nauseum, triple underline and put in 72 point type!)
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. (Editor's note: I'm not convinced of this :))
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed .
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dish soap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, after shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. (Let's hear an "Amen Sister"!!!)
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" (Ed. - or whose CDs *wry look* )
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry. (Ed. - Correlary to 26 - If you do it over and over again, you weren't really sorry!)
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is. (Ed. - Actually, if he's really enthusiastic about it, I'll listen to discourse on almost anything. Most things are interesting when discussed with enthusiasm and passion.)
28. Ditto for your discourse on football. (Ed. - See above)
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. (Ed. - See above)
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. (Ed: I wouldn't say this necessarily. Not every woman wants to get married.)
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. (Ed. - I think this particular "silence" quality in women is as unappealing and disrespectful as lying is in men. Either communicate or don't, but don't play guessing games.)
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. (And how!)
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. (Ed. - If I didn't find it so obnoxious, I'd put this one in the "blink" HTML tag, I would!)
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother. (Ed. - Irrelevant to me - no siblings. :))
42. Think boxers. (Ed. - I just don't care, so long as I like what's underneath them. :) :) :))
43. Silk boxers. (Ed. - Now silk has its points...)
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names. (Ed. - Except for those of us who just don't care. But even then, surprise rememberances are fun...)
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your a$$ smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. (Ed. - I actually think these rules are fair, but I'm willing to hear debate from the gentlemen who read this...)

2 comments:

D. said...

I don't recall sitting on my ass smoking ANYTHING. :)

Suzanne said...

No, you were in the Fazoli's drive-thru! (Of course, I was unconscious at the time... :)